laura

My dear friend passed away this week. I know that's a blunt way to start a blog post - but blogging is supposedly about your thoughts and feelings, and quite honestly this seems to be consuming my thoughts and feelings.

Dad asked me a few days ago why I haven't updated the blog since halloween, and the first thought that came to my mind was Laura. I'm not sure why, but I just haven't been inclined to upload pictures and share fun, amusing stories for the past month and a half or so... Much of my free time and thought has been consumed with my friend - and I'm not complaining by any means - I wouldn't have had it any other way. I just realized while driving to work this morning that this seems to be the case, and decided that maybe writing about it would help me sort some of it out and allow me to concentrate on other things and hopefully fall asleep at night without that feeling that something is desprately wrong.

I remember the day I met Laura - she was standing at the copier in the executive offices of the hotel, and she looked like a very serious, almost stern young girl. She was very pretty - fair with gorgeous features, a slight build, straight blonde hair, and a thoughtful expression on her face. Soon after that day, I began training Laura to be a conference services manager. I have been blessed with the opportunity to train so many wonderful people, and in that process become close friends with them - and Laura was no exception. She was extremely bright and picked up everything I needed to share with her quickly, and was extremely capable in her job. I enjoyed spending time with her, and would find myself sitting in her office just chatting about everything - from the groups she was working on at the time, to the scarf she was thinking about buying online, to the person she was sorta dating on the sly who also worked at the hotel.

That brings me to Walter. As usual - I got to know Walter though the process of training him as well. (for those of you who remember Michelle Mack - I had the pleasure of training Walt and Michelle at the same time - that was a challenge!) Walter was the most amiable, friendly, easy-going person I've ever worked with. I was just amazed at how open he was and how relaxed our training sessions were. He was truly a fabulous person to spend so much time with and I really enjoyed those two weeks.

Fast forward a few months - Laura and Walter are more openly dating, and we've spent some time together outside of work and really enjoyed ourselves. My favorite memory of these two is the night we moved Penny Shelton into my old house on Whitaker Lane... Walter had gone to Atlanta to see his brother-in-law and pick out a ring for Laura. In true Walt fashion, he had worn a suit for the occasion, but told Laura he was going hunting for the first time in a long time. Before he drove back to Auburn - he put on jeans and an older shirt and actually got out in the yard and rolled around on the ground to make it look like he had been outside all day. Just freaking precious! We all had fun helping her make plans for the wedding- those were good times.

I remember the day Laura went to Urgent Care b/c she had been so sick and feeling so terrible - they almost sent her home, but thought that perhaps she had appendicitis - so she went to the ER. The next day I went to visit her in the hospital and she'd had a large tumor along with one ovary removed. I know my time-line may be off, but I want to say that was September of 08.

The next few months were a blur - in October we found out that the cancer was actually malignant, in November she and walter got married, went on their honeymoon, and ended up back in the hospital the day they got home. I had actually been only working part time and staying home with Tripp who at that time was about 7 months old, and Laura and I then began working together in a job-sharing situation. We shared an office, whenever she was out for treatment, I made sure to be there. We took turns caring for her groups together... we worked very closely for a few months. We talked about so much during this time together in that office... my past and my boys and my life, her past and her marriage and her fears and hopes. I remember the day she realized it was going to be unlikely that she'd have children, that was so hard. She had treatment and shaved her head, the office went in together and bought a wig she had been eyeing online. She wore scarves and hats, and because she was so incredibly beautiful - she always looked great. Laura was always very matter-of-fact. She didn't cloud the truth, she didn't play games - you knew what was on her mind and you knew where you stood. I think I was really attracted to that aspect of her personality.

Friday, February 13th, 2009 Laura called me at about 4:30 in the afternoon. She had been short of breath, and went to see her oncologist here in Auburn. Dr. G thought perhaps she had pnemonia, and they did a chest x-ray which revealed tumors in the lining of her lungs. The cancer had quickly moved to stage 4. Laura was in the hospital - by herself that afternoon. Walter was on his way. I could barely understand what she was saying... it was so scary, but I did my best to stay calm and confident on the phone for her. She didn't know how she was going to tell her parents, she didn't know what she was going to do about treatment, she was so frightened. It was a terrible afternoon.

Shortly thereafter she was accepted into a clinical trial at MD Anderson in Houston. She traveled back and forth for weeks at a time. Walter stayed here and worked, and she went back and forth with her parents and occasionally Walter's parents... She tried several trials - had some small successes, had some difficult failures. We would jump whenever there was an update on caringbridge.com and be so happy to see the updates. It was encouraging to see her outlook during this time, and to read it online when she was away. She was so thankful and so loving and so optimistic - it helped us feel the same way. She's said to me several times that she realizes how useless and futile it is to waste time being upset or jealous or unhappy. She may not have realized it, but she focused on the positive and took so many hits in such stride - it really was inspiring.

The one thing that always meant so much to me that Laura did was ask about the boys. She wasn't just being friendly and polite - asking how they were... she really wanted to know what was going on with them! She had come to the hospital when they were born and had babysat Cooper some time ago. She always offered to watch both of them when she was in town between treatments, and she wanted them to come out to supper with us whenever we went. I brought them over to visit with her a few times - and Cooper still says, 'are we going to Mr. Walter's house?' when we drive to tiger town. She genuinely made me feel like she appreciated and respected the way I was raising my children, and in a group of friends with no other kids, that meant a lot to me.

While she was in Houston, I changed jobs. I came to the Alumni Center down the street from the hotel and began working in Development for Auburn University. Through this whole time her family was hosting large yard sales in Birmingham to help raise some money to offset the cost of travel and treatment. There was no venue here in Auburn for all of the many people who cared deeply for Laura and Walter to show their support and concern. One afternoon in mid-October I decided to call an old friend who was the GM at a local restaurant (Niffer's) and see if it may be possible to host a charity pancake breakfast here in town. He came back with a yes, I called Laura to see if she was interested in the idea, she said yes, and we started working! Target, Sam's Club, Sysco, Special Arrangements, St. Michael's, so many people, Newspapers, the Communication's office at Auburn, etc all donated time and money and supplies to get the fliers, tee shirts, product, advertising etc. It was a TON of work - but we got it all done. Patrick and I must have had 6 or 7 meetings to figure everything out... the small committee (Kristen R., Penny Shelton, Amanda Z. and I) met every tuesday night and a few times over lunch, and stayed good and busy through the month of November. We added a bake sale in the front of the building that Pat Wingfield headed up for us, and got everything ready.

We organized about 32 volunteers (including my Dad) to do everything from serve tables to run pancakes to man cashier stations and served 375 people on Saturday, November 21st- we raised $7,450 that day and an additional $2,750 with checks and cash that have come in from people all over the country that couldn't attend. It's been so amazing... Walter and Laura were both blown away with the amount of love and support that was shown to them - not even in either of their home towns! It was definitely the most rewarding event I've ever been a part of.

The past few weeks have been difficult, as expected. People would post things on facebook or send emails about how amazing she is and how brave she is and what a good person she is - Laura said that she didn't think she was that incredibly brave, that she would get mad and frustrated and act as normal as the next person - but she really did demonstrate a level of maturity and grace that I don't believe many people would be able to muster under the circumstances. I spent small amounts of time together with her when possible over lunch here and there and on the phone occasionally. We painted together at sips and strokes just last Tuesday.

I did get to see her a few hours before she passed on Monday evening. I'm not sure if she realized I was there or how much she heard of what I said, but I hope it got through. The visitation and funeral mass will be this Friday afternoon in Birmingham. I don't know what Walter's going to do or where he's going to go. I hope I get to still see him and be his friend at least on occasion. I came to work this morning, fully expecting to not cry today and be able to concentrate much better than I have. When I walked in, a colleague turned the corner wearing the exact same fleece that I wore the last time I saw Laura other than Monday night. She was complaining of her bottom being sore, so I took the fleece off and helped her stand and put it under her for some padding. The last communication I had with her was a text saying that she still had my jacket at her house. I don't know why it struck me so hard, but I totally lost it within 30 seconds of walking in the office door.

This experience has obviously had quite an impact on me. I'm blessed to be able to say that in my almost 30 years, Laura is the only person that I've known well and stayed close with through something like this. Obviously I will miss her desperately, and I still struggle with the reality of the fact that she's gone, but I suppose that will take some time.